Entry 1
I woke up this morning feeling something wasn't right. Something was different. Pain. There was pain. The groggy depths of my sleepy brain received this information without even bothering to bat an eyelash, as it were. Pain could be dealt with. Lack of sleep couldn't. As I reached over to my alarm clock to check the time I realised that perhaps the pain couldn't be dealt with that easily after all. I looked at my hand as a searing flame shot up through it, honestly expecting it to catch on fire. I couldn't move it. It was as if I were in this weird trance where the messages from my brain would not reach my limbs. Great, I thought. I'm on my way to a brain embolism. I stared at my fingers willing them to do something. But they wouldn't even listen to me. Annoyed at the unresponsive attitude of my right hand, I decided to teach it a lesson and smacked it against my bedside table. That seemed to do the trick. I remember thinking that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to further torture a suddenly mutilated hand, but that idea didn't last long in the frustrated fuzz that was my brain. At least the tough love tactic seemed to help. The fingers winced and immediately became obedient. That'll teach them to seize up on me like that, I thought. I glared at them till they finally curled up into a fist and relieved me of the pain. Hmmm. I gave my hand a troubled look and decided the incident was far too bizarre for me to go back to bed. My brain had been torn away from slumber and now it was too late to go back. So I got up, clenching and unclenching my right fist to make sure there hadn't been any permanent damage. It didn't look like it, but I punched my bed just to make sure. No pain. Right. No pain, no gain. That phrase would bug me the entire day.I took a deep breath. The house smelt empty. Bare. Cold. I shivered. Maybe getting back in the covers wasn't such a bad idea after all. And since when had I been one to pass up on extra sleep? I heard creaks and thuds. Creaks and thuds of an empty 52 year-old house. I felt sad suddenly. The sadness came and went. In pangs. In periods. In simple harmonic motion. I smirked in the darkness. Simple Harmonic Motion. Right. It had to be "graphable". Mathematical. Everything had to be mathematical, otherwise I would go insane. I smiled slightly, trying to graph my emotions. That is so moi, I thought. Pulling away. Stepping back. Afraid I had gone in too deep. It was like an alarm had gone off in my head. Beep, beep. Danger. It was then that my alarm clock beeped. It made me a jump a bit, but I would never admit that. I laughed in the face of danger. I had to smile again, thinking of the good old days when lines like those in movies like The Lion King had made me snort in derision. Ah well. It went on beeping and I counted the beeps trying to see how many would pass before they all poured into each other. Before they became a single loud monotonous beep. Like a mini foghorn, blowing to clear the buzzards in my brain. I thought how funny the human ear is. How funnily intelligent. How intelligently funny to tune out the pauses. To tune out the breaks. The breaths. The pauses. Rush, rush, rush. Wake up already. Well, I was already awake. Couldn't do any more, could I? I hit the "alarm off" button in a huff. Even the clock seemed to be pressuring me. Well, I wasn't going to take its crap. I had beaten it already. I was up and in the shower before the snooze function had the time to kick in.
I let the water pour over me as I tried to wash away the sludge I seemed to be moving in lately. A sludge of madness, sadness and sarcastic monologues. Although, the monologues were quite an efficient way of entertainment. If only other people could tune in once in a while, they'd have the time of their lives! The water slowed down to a trickle. I looked up at the shower-head, daring it to decrease its pressure. If it went the way of the alarm clock and tried to coax me out of the shower, well dot, dot, dot, innit? I continued glaring at it. Surprisingly enough, it spat the water back out soon enough with a good amount of intensity. Hmm, I must be getting good at staring down inanimate objects. Lucky me. I sighed as the drops hit my body running down it and into the drain, continuing their journey down into the depths of society's filth. Anthropologists stood study sewers and dumps. They reveal much more than any household artifacts could. I sighed and looked up again. The water had finally washed off enough of my morning angst for me to feel slightly better. I even hummed a song as I got out. A certain Latin dance tune that I had no idea how I knew. It was a vague melody that had somehow stuck with me and I hummed it, as if trying to hum it into surrendering a name. But it didn't. So, I stopped. Everything was happening precisely to annoy me this morning. I huffed, got out of the shower and started toweling myself down vigorously. The day better be...well, better was all I could hope for, for now.
posted by Arien @ 5:31 pm
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